I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
