We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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