very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
