There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
