Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
