12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
