your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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