I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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