I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
