I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
