The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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