he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
