I'm drive I can fine osifer
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
