Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
