she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
