I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?