Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people