I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome