i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.