I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
