i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
