You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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