i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
