dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
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I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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