New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
