he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
