I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
