so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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