I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
