mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
