you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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