This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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