Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
