That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
it hurts more in the daytime
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
