my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
