My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
