i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
