Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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