This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
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Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
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I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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