Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
