Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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