it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Sorry my hands just texted you
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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