I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
