First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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