his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
