brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
