You made me cry and you don't even care
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
