and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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