I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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