FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?