I think I won the penis lottery.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review