Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
The air was thick with penises
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.