I'm lost and stupid without you.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
