I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I fill condoms, not promises.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
