Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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