from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
operation have a gay friend backfired
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Randomize
