If i come over, it means nothing
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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