i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
