yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
