you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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