Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
