omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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