Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
