I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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