no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
