Someone shit on the floor
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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